Writer's Note:
I sat down yesterday and began to write a journal entry that quickly morphed into a short love story of sorts... I wasn't really sure what would come of it or how it would turn out, but after the just the first attempt, I knew God had given me something special. After re-working and re-writing it 4 more times, I came up with what you see written below. At first i thought it was too personal, too raw to share, but if anything, the one thing that people always seem to appreciate about my writing is the brutal honesty and transparency. Well, this is just that: brutally honest and transparent. So I decided to share it. I hope that maybe in someway, somehow, God uses it to touch you and speak you you about his endless, relentless, limitless, all-consuming love.
- Angie. <3
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"I love you". It was the first thing you said to me when you found me, lying on the ground in my own blood, crying and lost. You came to me and spoke tenderly to me the words of you love for me: "I love you". I felt undeserving of this, so i ran away, to the depths and darkness of my soul, but you followed me there. You saw me in my sin and said to me: "I love you". I became ashamed of my sin and tried to hid my face from you, but you found me and fulled my close to you, turned my face up towards yours and wiped the tears away, speaking softly your words of delight over me: "I love you" I was kicking and screaming, spitting you your face, yet the only thing you said to me was: "I love you". I rejected you, told you "no", but you still stayed with me. I've been unfaithful, looking for love in all the wrong places, when all I really wanted was you. But you knew that and came to take me home, to take me back from the other lovers I had chased. You poured ointment over my wounds and placed you hands over my scars, healing them. You loved me when I was unlovable, held me when I was untouchable. You cared about my heart even after I had thrown it away. You never left my side. Jesus, I could never repay you, but I have to tell you this one thing... I love you.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Been awhile.
Hey. Sorry for the lack of bloggage lately. Life has been insane. Like crazy. like the kind of crazy it is when youre doing all nighters every other night, consuming entirely too much caffenine, and cant relly soret out your thoughts.. the last one is mainly the cause of this long... um whats the word.. gap? no. well in any case.. i cant remember... (its my crazy life thats effecting my vocab right now) but i promissseee..... i have some stuff thats ive been itching to say... i just gotta find the time and the words and the way to say it.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Journal Entry.
Remember when you were a kid and you would fall on some sort of gravelly, dusty, dirty surface and cut your knee open? Did you just slap a band aid on that muddy, dirty knee with pebbles imbedded in it and hope it would get better? OF COURSE NOT! (Well, maybe you did, but that probably didn't last long. In any case...) You probably washed it off with soap and water and maybe your mom even got out the hydrogen peroxide and scrubbed it for you (Fun, right?) And that bit usually hurt some, right? Scrubbing out all the dirt, pulling the splinter out, rinsing it with hydrogen peroxide... it almost hurt worse than the cut itself! And yet can you imagine what would happen if it were left untreated? If you thought it hurt when you fell, you'd be in excruciating pain when it got infected. It would be swollen, there would be stuff coming out of it, and it would hurt like none other to touch it. Imagine trying to scrub it then. Ow. You'd much rather get it clean as soon as it happens, right? Of course!
It's the same with life's wounds. They have to be cleaned before they can begin to heal, and sometimes, well, really all the time, that hurts. A lot. But you wouldn't rather let the hate and anger fester and grow and spread like poison, would you? Or don't you know that those things are like a deadly disease, sneaking up on you seemingly without warning and suddenly attacking and overtaking your life? Better to let the Great Physician clean your wound right when it happens. Let Him scrub out the dirt of hatred and pull the splinters of anger. Let Him pour his healing love and grace on you and lead you through the next stage of your journey.
A lot of times, even after out storm has calmed and the sea has settled, we still go back. It's like ripping the scab off an old wound. Even though our body is trying to heal, when you keep continually ripping the skin off, that healing can never happen. If you keep doing that, the only thing that's going to be left is raw, partially scarred skin-even more painful than before.
It's the same with our hearts. A lot of times, God is trying to do a healing work in us, but we keep peeling the skin off, reopening the wounds and allowing out hurt and emotions to once again run like blood.I think a lot of times, part of the reason we keep doing that is that we still have questions that we had going through that time that we feel like we didn't quite get an answer to. And so even thought it's over and the healing has begun to take place, we go back, looking for answers. We feel like somehow, the healing cant really happen until we get all our answers to our questions and sort everything out in our heads. And therein lies the problem. We think that we need the answers in order to heal. But see, thats a lie. God doesn't give us answers. He gives us promises.
"God, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!! IMTS SO AWFUL! WAAAAHHH!"
and God says: "I will never leave you"
Ummm. not what i was lookin' for, God.
And so we keep peeling.
We think that somehow we've been deprived and we can never move on unless we figure everything out. I think that what we don't understand is that when God begins to heal us, a pig part of that healing comes when we lay all our questions down and rest in Him to take care of it. But that part of healing can't happen if we're constantly reopening the wound. What we end up with instead is an ugly gash that's partially healed, but theres raw, bare flesh in the center and ugly scar tissue around the edges that becomes hard and often insensetive. Sound familiar? This can happen to our hearts too, if we don't trust God and allow him to do His healing work.
peace
It's the same with life's wounds. They have to be cleaned before they can begin to heal, and sometimes, well, really all the time, that hurts. A lot. But you wouldn't rather let the hate and anger fester and grow and spread like poison, would you? Or don't you know that those things are like a deadly disease, sneaking up on you seemingly without warning and suddenly attacking and overtaking your life? Better to let the Great Physician clean your wound right when it happens. Let Him scrub out the dirt of hatred and pull the splinters of anger. Let Him pour his healing love and grace on you and lead you through the next stage of your journey.
A lot of times, even after out storm has calmed and the sea has settled, we still go back. It's like ripping the scab off an old wound. Even though our body is trying to heal, when you keep continually ripping the skin off, that healing can never happen. If you keep doing that, the only thing that's going to be left is raw, partially scarred skin-even more painful than before.
It's the same with our hearts. A lot of times, God is trying to do a healing work in us, but we keep peeling the skin off, reopening the wounds and allowing out hurt and emotions to once again run like blood.I think a lot of times, part of the reason we keep doing that is that we still have questions that we had going through that time that we feel like we didn't quite get an answer to. And so even thought it's over and the healing has begun to take place, we go back, looking for answers. We feel like somehow, the healing cant really happen until we get all our answers to our questions and sort everything out in our heads. And therein lies the problem. We think that we need the answers in order to heal. But see, thats a lie. God doesn't give us answers. He gives us promises.
"God, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!! IMTS SO AWFUL! WAAAAHHH!"
and God says: "I will never leave you"
Ummm. not what i was lookin' for, God.
And so we keep peeling.
We think that somehow we've been deprived and we can never move on unless we figure everything out. I think that what we don't understand is that when God begins to heal us, a pig part of that healing comes when we lay all our questions down and rest in Him to take care of it. But that part of healing can't happen if we're constantly reopening the wound. What we end up with instead is an ugly gash that's partially healed, but theres raw, bare flesh in the center and ugly scar tissue around the edges that becomes hard and often insensetive. Sound familiar? This can happen to our hearts too, if we don't trust God and allow him to do His healing work.
peace
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Don't Act Like a Christian
02-08-11 (hey.. this only took me a couple hours!! woot woot!)
Yeah, you heard me right.
I said that.
DON'T ACT LIKE A CHRISTIAN!
Now before you become convinced that I have completely lost it and am surely headed to hell... let me explain.
I feel like we as Christians are always trying so hard to follow this mentality that
'you need to get your act together to be better for God, get out there and love the world the way you're supposed to, and for goodness's sakes, you need to act christian around those who aren't saved!"
Which sounds good enough, right?
But what do actions really mean if our hearts aren't really right?I mean, why else do most of us constantly struggle with 'acting christian'? Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that its OK do go and do whatever you want to because to do otherwise would be hypocritical; what i am saying is that our actions don't really mean a whole lot if they're not from the heart.
Maybe instead of struggling and fighting so hard to ACT christian, we should just BE Christians. What if we just let the light and the life of Christ change us and mold us into who we are truly supposed to be? We wouldn't have to act anymore! Remember, Christ never been gave the name christian to his followers. They were named that years later, because of who they were: followers of Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God.
so that's the challenge: Ask Jesus to begin o change you into who he made you to be, so that you can stop acting like a christian, and just start being one.
happy snow days!!
angie
Yeah, you heard me right.
I said that.
DON'T ACT LIKE A CHRISTIAN!
Now before you become convinced that I have completely lost it and am surely headed to hell... let me explain.
I feel like we as Christians are always trying so hard to follow this mentality that
'you need to get your act together to be better for God, get out there and love the world the way you're supposed to, and for goodness's sakes, you need to act christian around those who aren't saved!"
Which sounds good enough, right?
But what do actions really mean if our hearts aren't really right?I mean, why else do most of us constantly struggle with 'acting christian'? Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that its OK do go and do whatever you want to because to do otherwise would be hypocritical; what i am saying is that our actions don't really mean a whole lot if they're not from the heart.
Maybe instead of struggling and fighting so hard to ACT christian, we should just BE Christians. What if we just let the light and the life of Christ change us and mold us into who we are truly supposed to be? We wouldn't have to act anymore! Remember, Christ never been gave the name christian to his followers. They were named that years later, because of who they were: followers of Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God.
so that's the challenge: Ask Jesus to begin o change you into who he made you to be, so that you can stop acting like a christian, and just start being one.
happy snow days!!
angie
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
CHALLENGE: Invade 2011
12.15.10 - 12.31.10
So this is about my billionth attempt at writing this and it is December 31st. I've written at least 2 rough drafts and deleted them, and then I've written down so many ideas and little things.. I can’t even begin to count them, (nor do I want to!) Needless to say, I was pretty desperate. Then I went to Onething in KC. And I know exactly what I need to say. :)
First of all I need to explain what invade means.
This summer, at youth camp, God gave me a word: invade. I had no idea what that meant to my life or what it was supposed to signify. I was really excited about it though. I figured God would tell me what it meant by the end of the week. But camp came and went and I still hadn’t heard from him (on that subject anyway). I remember feeling frustrated and confused. When I got hope I began seeking his face and fasting, seeking after Him on what this mean. After about two weeks and still no answer, I kind of threw up my hands if frustration and quit. Then Fall Retreat came around and I thought: ‘Surely, this is when God will speak to me on what this means.’ Well retreat also came and went; still no answer. I was desperate, confused, and frustrated. I almost gave up. Then I went to Onething this past week in KC. I remember I sat there on Tuesday night, and I began to write in my prayer journal:
“God, You gave me the word invade, but you still haven’t told me what it means. You know my heart and you know that I really want to know what it means. But I also know that you know what’s best, and if knowing what it is right now isn’t what you have for me, I trust you.”
People, I am telling you, no more than an hour later, as I stood at the front of the Kansas City Convention Center, God spoke to me what it meant, and I know now that he want me to share: As he invades our hearts, we will invade our world with a revolution and his love.
So that’s my challenge to you this year: Invade 2011. Invade your world, but not by your power. Allow the power of Christ to move you to speak word that are not your own, to do things that aren’t in your flesh, and to go places you thought were only for ‘radicals’ to go. And as you do, connect the dots from your actions to the Christ who is in you for all the world to see. Dig deep into the word of God and meditate on it. Pray daily; fast weekly. Be open and brutally honest with God. He already knows your heart anyways, so it would be foolish to try to hide it from him. When the hard times come, pray to God for the strength to take it with grace and to keep on going. He will give you the strength to take that next step, the next breath, to go to bed and to wake up the next morning and do it all over again. When temptation arises, remember 1Corinthians 10:14:“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
Seek his face my friends, for then, “You will find delight in the Almighty and will lift up your face to God.” (Job 22:26)
Peace out.
angie
So this is about my billionth attempt at writing this and it is December 31st. I've written at least 2 rough drafts and deleted them, and then I've written down so many ideas and little things.. I can’t even begin to count them, (nor do I want to!) Needless to say, I was pretty desperate. Then I went to Onething in KC. And I know exactly what I need to say. :)
First of all I need to explain what invade means.
This summer, at youth camp, God gave me a word: invade. I had no idea what that meant to my life or what it was supposed to signify. I was really excited about it though. I figured God would tell me what it meant by the end of the week. But camp came and went and I still hadn’t heard from him (on that subject anyway). I remember feeling frustrated and confused. When I got hope I began seeking his face and fasting, seeking after Him on what this mean. After about two weeks and still no answer, I kind of threw up my hands if frustration and quit. Then Fall Retreat came around and I thought: ‘Surely, this is when God will speak to me on what this means.’ Well retreat also came and went; still no answer. I was desperate, confused, and frustrated. I almost gave up. Then I went to Onething this past week in KC. I remember I sat there on Tuesday night, and I began to write in my prayer journal:
“God, You gave me the word invade, but you still haven’t told me what it means. You know my heart and you know that I really want to know what it means. But I also know that you know what’s best, and if knowing what it is right now isn’t what you have for me, I trust you.”
People, I am telling you, no more than an hour later, as I stood at the front of the Kansas City Convention Center, God spoke to me what it meant, and I know now that he want me to share: As he invades our hearts, we will invade our world with a revolution and his love.
So that’s my challenge to you this year: Invade 2011. Invade your world, but not by your power. Allow the power of Christ to move you to speak word that are not your own, to do things that aren’t in your flesh, and to go places you thought were only for ‘radicals’ to go. And as you do, connect the dots from your actions to the Christ who is in you for all the world to see. Dig deep into the word of God and meditate on it. Pray daily; fast weekly. Be open and brutally honest with God. He already knows your heart anyways, so it would be foolish to try to hide it from him. When the hard times come, pray to God for the strength to take it with grace and to keep on going. He will give you the strength to take that next step, the next breath, to go to bed and to wake up the next morning and do it all over again. When temptation arises, remember 1Corinthians 10:14:“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
Seek his face my friends, for then, “You will find delight in the Almighty and will lift up your face to God.” (Job 22:26)
Peace out.
angie
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